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Roger Stone’s #HOTTAKES On Trump-Russia Special Prosecutor Robert Mueller

The announcement only moments ago that the Trump Justice Department would appoint a special prosecutor to look into the question of Russian collusion in the last election is a MASTERSTROKE. Once and for all we can clear the air on the question of whether the Russians interceded in the last election to help Donald Trump. More importantly it proves that Donald Trump has no fear of such an … [Read more...]

Roger Ailes In Hell Now, Complaining The Broads There Have Ugly Legs

Thanks for all your contributions to our culture Rightwing political operative and Fox News founder Roger Ailes died today at the age of 77, according to a statement from Fox News which included no details on where or how. Ailes rose to prominence as the guy who made Richard Nixon almost palatable for television, then as a conservative media hatchet man/consultant, and finally as the founder and … [Read more...]

Mike Flynn Trump ISIS Turkey Trump Grand Jury Trump More Secret Russia Meetings … And Trump!

Last night, at the Reporters’ Witching Hour of 6 p.m. Eastern, came the bombshell Trump-Russia stories we’ve come to expect at that time of the evening: that Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein had looked far and wide and collected the scattered remains of his reputation and appointed straight-arrow Robert Mueller as Special Counsel, and that the Washington Post had audio … [Read more...]

Trump Blesses Coast Guard With Inspirational Speech On His Struggles As A Victim Of The Lamestream Media

It was the last golden moments of the Trump Administration BM (Before Mueller). After Vanky smashed his phone Tuesday night, she gave him a couple of her “prescription vitamin tablets” to build up his strength. That’s why they made her special assistant to the President — she always knows how to make it better! She smoothed his hair and kissed his owies, then packed him off … [Read more...]

And Lo, Unto Us A Special Prosecutor Has Been Given

We’re just getting our graphics ready in advance For once, last night America got some early-evening BREAKING NEWS that didn’t leave us reaching for the hard stuff (booze, porn, or legal encyclopedia). Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein announced the appointment of former FBI Director Robert Mueller to be the special counsel to run the Justice Department’s investigation of … [Read more...]

Mueller … Mueller … Your Wonkagenda For Thurs., May 18, 2017

Morning Wonketariat! Here’s some of the FIVE BILLION things we may be talking about today. Former FBI Director Robert Mueller has been appointed as special counsel by the Justice Department to investigate Trump-Russia stuff, which might not be a bad thing seeing as how he’s a career G-man-in-black with nothing to lose. How bad are things going to get for Trump’s White House now … [Read more...]

Overworked Donald Trump Plans Nice, Relaxing Campaign Rally In Florida This Weekend

Might need some tanks and missile launchers for the parade, too You might think maybe Donald Trump is possibly a bit overwhelmed by the sudden realization that he’s in a job that he’s utterly unprepared for, but Donald Trump doesn’t do Overwhelmed, even when he clearly is. He does Denial. So of course he’s having a great big campaign-style rally in Florida this Saturday so … [Read more...]

FBI Archives Releasing Files On Trumps Not Renting To Blacks. Some Timing, Huh?

Just don’t let some black guy make fun of you at a dinner. That happens, you go nuclear, OK? The ways of the FBI FOIA archive are mysterious indeed — the site regularly posts to the interwebs old documents that have been requested in Freedom of Information Act cases, but as you may recall from the kerfuffle over the Bureau’s release of documents calling Fred Trump a … [Read more...]

Trump Russia Scandal Idiot Carter Page SO Tired Of Being Hate Crimed By Hillary Clinton

MEAN LADY One of the ways we’re coping with life under Fuehrer Pussgrab is to imagine we’re living in a really fancy spy novel or a sexxxy new Netflix show about politics and espionage, so in that spirit, we’d like to share with you Chapter Eleventy, the episode where a crazy bit player who might be a more important character than we ever knew sends a crazy letter from his … [Read more...]

Whom Are We Deporting Today?

Good morning! Is everything still horrible in Trump’s America? WHY, YES!! Yes it is!! And today we have some next level shit to deal with. But we will get through it together with the internet’s favorite coping mechanism, Porn Cat Photos. Meow! Soon we’ll be enjoying a BIG, BEAUTIFUL trade war with Mexico to fund the BIG, BEAUTIFUL WALL. But in the meantime, we’ll have to … [Read more...]

Refugees Risk Lives To Reach Canada From USA. How The Hell Did We Become A Place People Flee?

We know, Wonkers. You never watch the videos because they’re often too awful. Please watch this story by CBC reporter Nick Purdon about a Somali refugee he found in the snow last weekend near Emerson, Manitoba. It matters. You’ll also see an interview with Ahmed from Ghana, who came to Canada after losing an asylum claim in the U.S., one of hundreds of refugees who have made the … [Read more...]

Trump Spying On U.S. Spies. Wonkagenda For Thurs., Feb. 16, 2017

Morning Wonkers! Here’s some of the stories we may be working on today! President Bannon and Donald Trump want their super rich friend who specializes in gutting businesses to “review” national intelligence agencies, a move scaring intel officials right out of their shoe-phones. The intel community is skipping over some details when it gives Donald Trump PDB’s because … [Read more...]

Jesus Idiot Knows Hillary Murdered Mike Flynn, Because He Knew About The Pizza Sex

Inside Rick Wiles’s head (Artist’s conception) Dear Wonkers: We like to think we’re fairly imaginative writers here at Yr Wonkette. We come up with some pretty silly stuff about which to make our little news-related japes. But we must confess: There’s virtually no way we’d have dreamed of spinning out a scenario about the real reason Gen. Mike Flynn got shitcanned by … [Read more...]

Military Parades? We Did Nazi That Coming!

Maybe some bread and circuses, too. … [Read more...]

What Ridiculous Lie That Makes No Sense Is Trump Making Up For No Reason Today?

At least Stalin put some effort into his staged photos. SAD! WEAK! PATHETIC! … [Read more...]

Donald Trump Loves Reading Books. Here’s A Book. He Loves Reading It.

Books: What have they ever done for us? … [Read more...]

Did You Get This Nice Letter From President Obama Too?

HOW IS THIS EVEN HAPPENING … [Read more...]

Rick Santorum To Bring Word Of God And/Or Rick Santorum To Heathen CNN

All out of frothy jokes. … [Read more...]