Bannon’s Back! Back Again! Bannon’s Back! Tell A Friend! Wonkagenda For Thurs., April 12, 2018

Morning Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today. Steve Bannon has wormed his way back into Trump’s ear, urging him to “You’re Fired” Rod Rosenstein, as well as “immediately and retroactively” exert executive privilege on evidence gathered by Robert Mueller. This would be great legal advice if it were actually, you know, legal. … [Read more...]

Have You Met Our New Writers, A Nice Lady And Wonderbitch?

You may have noticed that ol’ Wonkette dot com tends to be a pretty white sort of place. We have a gay, and a senior, and a bunch of vagendas, but it’s been really some time since we had any writers of color. And when you write quite a bit about police brutality, the justice system, and Jeff Sessions, that severe lack becomes severely embarrassing. Well, we put out a call over the … [Read more...]

Fuck You Paul Ryan, The Pope Hates You And You’re Going To Hell

It’s a good look for telling people to eat cake Now that he’s fulfilled his dream of passing a Big Fat Tax Cut For Rich Fuckwads, Paul Ryan is dragging his horrible granny-starving ass back to Wisconsin, where he can retire and not especially worry about his former colleagues going on to slash Social Security and Medicare, since mysteriously we just don’t have the revenue for … [Read more...]

Robert Mueller Just Wondering If Trump Taking Bribes From Handful Of Arab Kingdoms, Totally Normal

Gross, Donald. Who’s ready for some hot Daily Mail gossip about Robert Mueller’s newest cooperating witness (that we know of), George Nader, the lobbyist for the United Arab Emirates who seems to have witnessed a WHOLE LOT of the Trump-Russia conspiracy meetings involving Emirati sheiks, Erik Prince, Jared Kushner, Steve Bannon and Michael Flynn? Well, the Daily Mail says the JOLLY HOT … [Read more...]

Who Made Ben Carson’s Wife Buy That $31,000 Dinette Set? The Deep State, Obviously!

America, meet your new Louie Gohmert, maybe. Secretary of Housing and Urban Development Ben Carson has been having one heck of a time trying to explain how his office ended up ordering that $31,000 dining room set last year; in a House hearing Tuesday, he appeared to blame his wife for the decision. Before we get all judgey about the free-spending ways of Trump administration cabinet members, we … [Read more...]

Serious Senator Jeff Flake Begs Donald Trump To Please Not Make Congress Impeach Him

Also ‘Mr. Profiles in Courage’ Arizona’s junior US Senator, Jeff Flake, took a firm stand Tuesday against the prospect that Donald Trump might fire Central Scrutinizer Robert Mueller, giving an interview to the Washington Post to say that he would be VERY SAD if Trump did anything rash and left Congress with no other choice but to impeach him, because that would be just awful. … [Read more...]

Through Snow And Rain And Sleet And Hail: It’s New York And DC Drinky Things!

We thought about canceling on yinz … wait, that is Pittsburgh. We thought about canceling on tu ustedes, but what is a little nor’easter between friends? We will see you TONIGHT, Brooklyn, New York, at your comrade Erin’s restaurant Grindhaus, 275 Van Brunt St., Red Hook, Brooklyn, we will call it 7-9 p.m. and NO LATER because apparently we have to take a ferry home. (Food is on … [Read more...]

Did Jeff Sessions Just Plum Fergit He Was Under Investigation For LIES?

Whoops. Jefferson Butterbeans Sessions, you got some ‘splainin’ to do! Turns out you may have left out one or two pertinent details when you set to firin’ Andy McCabe 10 minutes before his pension would vest. ABC reports: Nearly a year before Attorney General Jeff Sessions fired senior FBI official Andrew McCabe for what Sessions called a “lack of candor,” McCabe … [Read more...]

Whatever Pee Tape Russia Has On Donald Trump Must Be DISGUSTING. A VERY MAD Lesson On Recent Russian History!

Wednesday afternoon, your president Donald Trump was all finished with work, because shithead only works like two hours per day, and he was MAD that everybody in the reality-based community is horrified by how he got on the phone with the object of his affection Vladimir Putin this week and A) congratulated him on winning his (fake) Russian presidential election and B) did NOT condemn Russia for … [Read more...]

Robert Mueller’s Been Looking Up Cambridge Analytica’s Dress. Wonkagenda For Thurs., March 22, 2018

Morning Wonketariat! There is another FIREHOSE of news this morning, but NEW YORK! Remember to meet your editrix at Grindhaus, in Red Hook, Brooklyn, from 7 to 9 TONIGHT! Now here are some of the things we may be talking about today. Just before he was “You’re Fired,” Andy McCabe was looking into whether or not Jeff Sessions lied during his congressional testimony last year. What … [Read more...]

Government Running Out Of Money After Trump’s Tax Cuts For Super-Rich, So Kiss Grammy Goodbye

You cost too much, Meemaw! There’s this one “Calvin and Hobbes” Sunday strip with realistic drawings of several disasters all converging on one spot, the home of Farmer Brown, who “is unaware of a gas leak as he attempts to light his stove.” The last panel shows Calvin holding a toy jet and a toy locomotive about to smash into a toy house, and Hobbes says, … [Read more...]

CDC Director Just Can’t Quit Addiction To Cigarette Money, But Can Quit The CDC!

‘I’m thinking about taking up smoking. My doctor says I’m not getting enough tar.’ — Steve Martin Dr. Brenda Fitzgerald, the director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, resigned Wednesday after reports she had purchased stock in tobacco companies after being appointed to head US America’s leading public health agency; at least once she left the … [Read more...]

Rep. Matt Gaetz Swears He Barely Knows Chuck C. Johnson, His Hot & Heavy SOTU Date

Florida Representative Matt Gaetz has been making the rounds the past week or so, going all #ReleaseTheMemo on any news show that will allow him to expound on his various theories of why said memo is going to result in Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton going to jail. Naturally, this included an appearance on Infowars in which he complained that it was unfair that he and Alex Jones were derided as … [Read more...]

Sarah Huckabee Sanders Wants Nancy Pelosi To Smile More, Like Face Of Warmth And Affability Sarah Huckabee Sanders

Mouth is open, lies are leaking. After warning her troops to keep their traps shut and not embarrass the party like a common Joe Wilson, Nancy Pelosi sat stonefaced through the entire eleventy hours of Trump’s yammering SOTU speech. Because she is a goddamn professional. Unlike some people who wondered why the little lady doesn’t smile more. Is it because she wants the terrorists to … [Read more...]

Ohhhhhhh, Hope Hicks! What Have You Done?!?!?!

Embed from Getty Images Oh, Hope Hicks, you’ve done stepped in it now! Your old money Democratic Connecticut family will never look at you the same way again, now that the New York Times has revealed that YOU, yes you right there, in that very fancy tuxedo, may have committed a great big obstruction of justice, right in front of Donald Trump and Mark Corallo, the former PR guy for … [Read more...]

Trump Makes Rod Rosenstein An Offer He Can’t Refuse

On this, the day of his daughter’s wedding just another endless day in an endless year, Team Trump will try to break all the laws and stay out of jail, while Team Wonkette will try to cover the endless avalanche of news and not die! Get your PEANUTS! POPCORN! XANAX! Yesterday, CNN broke news of Trump asking Deputy AG Rod Rosenstein in December if he was “on my team.” Kinda like … [Read more...]

Story Time With Devin Nunes. Wonkagenda For Thurs., Feb. 1, 2018

Morning Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today, but first, ADORABLE LITTLE PENGUINS! Robert Mueller has been thinking hard about that meeting between DJTJ and the Russian lawyer lady now that Trump’s former legal spokesweasel Mark Corallo noted his concern that Hope Hicks may have obstructed justice about possible obstruction of justice when she said the … [Read more...]

DOJ Dick-Punches Devin Nunes Over Dumbass Fake Memo

christ what a fucking idiot What is this, Day Six of Devin Nunes’s latest justice-obstructing distraction? Something like that! If you’ve been playing hooky from life this week or forgot, Devin Nunes, Donald Trump’s little buttercup who chairs the House Intelligence Committee, has WRITTEN A TOP SECRET MEMO (or his aides wrote it) that definitely certainly absolutely blows the … [Read more...]