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Trump Makes America Great Again With New DADT. Wonkagenda for Thurs., Aug. 24, 2017

Nobody cares what kind of underwear you wear. Hey there, Wonketariat! We’ve got a slew of newses for your today! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about today. The White House is expected to instruct the Pentagon to ban transgender troops in an effort to calm the fears of religious whackos terrified that openly trans troops will take over the government with pride parades, or … [Read more...]

Dumb Virginia Democrat Doesn’t Even Want To Own Slaves! What A Idiot!

Modern medicine betrays the heritage of leeches and surgery without anesthetics In what has to be the stupidest stretch of logic — today, at least — in the ongoing dialogue over the removal of Confederate monuments, the Virginia GOP posted a weirdass condemnation of Democratic Lt. Gov. Ralph Northam, who’s now running for governor (Terry McAuliffe is term-limited). You see, … [Read more...]

Nazis So Scared Of Protests They’re Gonna Hold Their Rallies IN SECRET Now!

When the Nazis marched in Charlottesville, they were met with protesters. And they killed one of them. When the “We totally swear we’re not Nazis but also the Nazis have some good points about stuff” alt-righters tried to hold a rally in Boston, they were met with thousands and thousands of counter-protesters and ended up having to close up shop early. Following this, ACT for … [Read more...]

Get Under Your School Desk, Here’s The Dumbest Shit Trump Has Ever Said About Nukes

more or less This week, while Donald Trump waddles around his New Jersey golf course yelling mad words about how he’s going to bombfuck North Korea into oblivion, something all sane presidents know they’re not supposed to say, seems like a good time to remind everyone that Trump does not know one solitary thing about nuclear weapons, besides that they exist, they go boom, and for some … [Read more...]

Walmart Real Sorry About ‘Back-To-School’ Guns, Which They Also Deny Happened, Or Something

All the schoolgirls in ‘Upotte!!‘ are anthropomorphized guns, so they don’t need to shop at Walmart Walmart the corporate entity has apologized for a display of guns in an as-yet-unidentified Walmart store with a sign over it reading “Own the school year like a hero.” The image blazed across social media with the speed of a .223 caliber round fired by a responsible … [Read more...]

Eric Bolling Demands $50 Million For … Sending Women Dick Pics, We Guess?

Thinkin’ face. Fox News’s Eric Bolling is very, very mad. He is mad about an article in the Huffington post that came out this weekend detailing his (alleged) habit of sending unsolicited dick pics to women who do not want them. Bolling is suspended from Fox pending an investigation of the claims. Thus, he is suing Yashar Ali, the freelance reporter for the Huffington Post who wrote … [Read more...]

James O’Keefe Idiots, ‘Wealthy Oil Widow’ And ‘Dude With Spy Cuff Links,’ Now Infiltrating Enviro Groups. Very Poorly.

It’s a classic look Looks like investigative poo-thrower James O’Keefe and his merry band of news fakers have stepped on their own dicks once again, this time in an aborted attempt to infiltrate that dangerous nexus of radicalism the League of Conservation Voters (LCV — which only looks like a Roman number). The New Yorker’s Jane Mayer reports the LCV has filed a complaint … [Read more...]

Sounds Like Anthony Scaramucci Needs To Take His Blue Dresses To The Cleaners

Monica Lewinsky??? We were not going to say anything about this thing Anthony Scaramucci, who was White House Communications Director for literally HOURS, tweeted Wednesday night: “It’s too easy,” thought we. If you know nothing else about him, you know that Anthony Scaramucci is DUMB. This is a guy who asked, “What would Joe Paterno do?” with a STRAIGHT FACE. He … [Read more...]

Hang On, Trump And McConnell Still Beating Shit Out Of Each Other Over Obamacare

Check out all these stinkers trying to pretend it was the other guy who farted! Since the Obamacare repeal flamed out in July, the entire GOP clubhouse has smelled like raw sewage. All the old white guys are standing around wrinkling their noses and throwing each other accusing glances. Only the orange blowhard is boorish enough to come right out and shout, “WHO CUT THE CHEESE? OPEN A … [Read more...]

Trump Wishes He Had A Doomsday Machine. Wonkagenda For Thurs., Aug. 10, 2017

He wishes. Well hell there, Wonketariat! We’re still alive, so that means Trump didn’t accidentally start WW III while trying to stave off his meat sweats with a diet cola. Until that happens, here’s some of the things may be talking about today! Nuclear weapons and policy experts are confident Trump doesn’t understand anything about the US nuclear arsenal, with one … [Read more...]

Team Trump Tells Lisa Murkowski To Rub The Repeal On Obamacare, Or Alaska Gets The Hose

Yes, it will, Precious, won’t it? The whole state will get the hose! Donald Trump sent a messenger boy to let Alaska’s two Republican senators know he didn’t much care for Lisa Murkowski’s refusal to play ball on repealing Obamacare. Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke called Murkowski and Alaska’s other senator, Dan Sullivan, Wednesday to say he thinks Alaska’s a … [Read more...]

Who Said It: Donald Trump Or Rwandan Hate Radio?

Sometimes, it is amusing to guess whether it was Donald Trump who said a thing, or some other person or entity. The Rwandan genocide was the systematic killing of the minority Tutsi ethnic group, along with political opponents of the Hutu majority, in 1994. Roughly 800,000 were killed over 100 days, an overall rate of extermination more rapid than the Holocaust or any other recorded genocide. … [Read more...]

How Many Dumbfuck Things Can Anthony Scaramucci Say Before Breakfast?

it’s better to keep your mouth covered, Scaramucci, to keep the dumb shit from falling out. A White House fight has broken out in the last 12 hours, and it is between nominal White House Chief of Staff Reince Priebus and brand new Trump lapdog Anthony Scaramucci. (Who may or may not be a Clinton mole. He said Trump wants healthcare to be just like Comcast. And he said several things … [Read more...]

Here’s The Skinny On Republicans’ Bullshit ‘Skinny Repeal’

Either way, we get boned. Now that the Republicans in the Senate appear to have given up on trying to come up with anything to replace the Affordable Care Act, their fallback plan — if you can call thrashing around desperately at the last minute a “plan” — appears to be what’s been called a “skinny repeal” that would eliminate some provisions of Obamacare … [Read more...]

Trump Announces Plan To Build Border Wall Out Of Transgender Soldiers

WE ARE SO MAD! The transgender ban tweeted out by That Orange POS yesterday is cruel, and shameful, and ALL THE BAD THINGS! It’s also a gross political misstep that’s blowing up in The Shit Gibbon’s face. So…silver lining there! Let’s take a trip in the Fabulous Wayback Machine to see how Our Predisent™ drove the bus into a ditch. AGAIN. Buckle up, … [Read more...]

White House Long Knives Out For Murkowski. Wonkagenda For Thurs., July 27, 2017

WOAH, it is Thirsty Thursday already, Wonketariat! Here’s some of the things we may be talking about while day drinking. Trump is talking with his people about a recess appointment of a new AG if Sessions decides to “You’re Fired” himself. He’s really slamming that panic button hard, isn’t he? The GOP is warning Trump not to “You’re Fired” Jeff … [Read more...]

Weird How All These Republicans Want To Do S&M To Lisa Murkowski!

Seriously, what are you doing over there? Once again we find ourselves wondering what the heck Alaska Senator Lisa Murkowski is doing in the Republican Party after all the crap she gets from Republicans. Maybe it’s a tax cut thing we’ll never understand. She was turfed out of the Republican Party primary during the Teabagger Electoral Fuckquake of 2010, losing to a compulsive liar … [Read more...]

Vegan Restaurant Owners #Triggered Just Because Diner Didn’t Want To See Their Kid’s #Butthole

This actually didn’t even happen in Portland There is a vegan restaurant in Memphis called Imagine Vegan Cafe. We have never been there because LOL vegan food. Next time we get a hankering to eat sand, we guess! Anyway, this restaurant is not far from our house, and from what we know from our local vegan pals, it’s well-regarded. Or should we say, it WAS well-regarded, but then … [Read more...]