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Another Trump Staffer Sending Weird Russian Emails? YOU DON’T SAY.

Putin was workin’ hard, y’all. Another day, somebody else on the Trump campaign sending weird emails about Russia. It’s so bizarre how literally every single person on that campaign seemed to have at least a handful of Russians on speed dial. Maybe that was part of the job interview! CNN reports that congressional investigations into whether or not the Trump campaign colluded … [Read more...]

Who Told Trump To Fuck Off The Best? A Scientific Wonkette Poll!

Nobody likes you, everybody hates you … Resistance to Donald Trump and his sucky terribleness is breaking out all over, in the form of hilarious resignation letters! Daniel Kammen, a State Department envoy for science, resigned his post Wednesday, citing Trump’s disgusting white-supremacist-enabling response to Charlottesville. And he did it with a SECRET MESSAGE! You see what he did … [Read more...]

Get Under Your School Desk, Here’s The Dumbest Shit Trump Has Ever Said About Nukes

more or less This week, while Donald Trump waddles around his New Jersey golf course yelling mad words about how he’s going to bombfuck North Korea into oblivion, something all sane presidents know they’re not supposed to say, seems like a good time to remind everyone that Trump does not know one solitary thing about nuclear weapons, besides that they exist, they go boom, and for some … [Read more...]

Sounds Like Anthony Scaramucci Needs To Take His Blue Dresses To The Cleaners

Monica Lewinsky??? We were not going to say anything about this thing Anthony Scaramucci, who was White House Communications Director for literally HOURS, tweeted Wednesday night: “It’s too easy,” thought we. If you know nothing else about him, you know that Anthony Scaramucci is DUMB. This is a guy who asked, “What would Joe Paterno do?” with a STRAIGHT FACE. He … [Read more...]

How Many Dumbfuck Things Can Anthony Scaramucci Say Before Breakfast?

it’s better to keep your mouth covered, Scaramucci, to keep the dumb shit from falling out. A White House fight has broken out in the last 12 hours, and it is between nominal White House Chief of Staff Reince Priebus and brand new Trump lapdog Anthony Scaramucci. (Who may or may not be a Clinton mole. He said Trump wants healthcare to be just like Comcast. And he said several things … [Read more...]

Vegan Restaurant Owners #Triggered Just Because Diner Didn’t Want To See Their Kid’s #Butthole

This actually didn’t even happen in Portland There is a vegan restaurant in Memphis called Imagine Vegan Cafe. We have never been there because LOL vegan food. Next time we get a hankering to eat sand, we guess! Anyway, this restaurant is not far from our house, and from what we know from our local vegan pals, it’s well-regarded. Or should we say, it WAS well-regarded, but then … [Read more...]

Hobby Lobby Has To Return All The Cool Bible Shit It Stoled From Iraq. UNFAIR!

Sincerely, the U.S. government Well this is a story that is very unfair to Jesus! A while back, we learned that Hobby Lobby, the slut-pill-hating evangelical Christian company owned by the evangelical Christian Green family, was under federal investigation just for MAYBE illegally importing a bunch of looted religious artifacts from Iraq in 2010 and 2011, so they could put them in their Bible … [Read more...]

Here Are 50 Million New Hot-Ass Pictures Of Justin Trudeau, Because It Is A Day

Ahoy! Let’s check in with the shadow president of our American hearts, Canadian god king Justin Trudeau, and see what he has been doing the past few weeks. Before the holiday, we were just cold staring at his crotch, because there he was on the cover of the Delta Airlines in-flight magazine, throwing his crotch at us. But it turns out that, according to Trudeau’s Twitter and Instaface, … [Read more...]

Here’s All Your LATE-BREAKING TRUMP-RUSSIA NEWS, For You To Poop On

BFFs Another day, more WILD AND CRAZY news about Donald Trump, Russia, and all their completely innocent connections! Let’s jump right in! We Don’t Know How Many Of Trump’s Silly Boys Got Turnt By The Russians, But The Russians Sure Were Trying! Remember when former CIA director John Brennan was testifying before the House Intelligence Committee, and greasy shiny chipmunk turd … [Read more...]

Trump Russia Scandal Idiot Carter Page SO Tired Of Being Hate Crimed By Hillary Clinton

MEAN LADY One of the ways we’re coping with life under Fuehrer Pussgrab is to imagine we’re living in a really fancy spy novel or a sexxxy new Netflix show about politics and espionage, so in that spirit, we’d like to share with you Chapter Eleventy, the episode where a crazy bit player who might be a more important character than we ever knew sends a crazy letter from his … [Read more...]

NO, MICHELLE OBAMA, DON’T LEAVE US, PLEASE COME BACK!

This is your OPEN THREAD, where you will cry at a Michelle Obama video. … [Read more...]

Obama Trolls Holy Hell Out Of Trump, By Explaining How Freedom Of Press Works

President Obama used his last news conference ever to send Donald Trump a little message about how America works. … [Read more...]

Looks Like Julian Assange Is A Common Liar (WHOA IF TRUE!)

In shocking news, Assange may be going back on his promise to face extradition to the United States. Really. … [Read more...]

Nancy Pelosi Will Lead House Democrats Through Valley Of Shadow Of Death

Pelosi says she's got enough support to be queen of the House Democrats forever and ever! … [Read more...]

Trump Transition Team Talking Muslim Registry, Probably Just Kidding Around

This will NEVER be the new normal. … [Read more...]

Hey You Sad, Sulking Liberals, Get Off Your Asses And DO THIS.

Let's get Louisiana Democrat Foster Campbell in the Senate, to fight against Trump Louisiana-style! … [Read more...]

Dumb Apple Steals Headphone Jack From Your Weekly Dance Party

YOU COME LISTEN TO THESE SONGS RIGHT NOW. … [Read more...]

Obama Not Wearing Wedding Ring In Laos, Probably For Gay Muslim Reasons (Again)

Typical Islamofascist gaywad. … [Read more...]