Paul Ryan Says Hillary Clinton Too Dangerous For CIA Briefings, Trump Just Fine

Paul Ryan would prefer that Hillary Clinton not know America's secrets. Or at least not any that she didn't already know after four years as Secretary of State. … [Read more...]

Donald Trump Hearts Saddam Hussein

Donald Trump thinks Saddam Hussein was an admirable role model for dealing with terrorists, because he got the job done. Why would anyone have a problem with a simple factual statement like that? … [Read more...]

Elizabeth Warren Hell-Raising On Senate Floor: ‘Who Do You Work For?’ (Citigroup, Duh)

Elizabeth Warren did a bit of outreach to Republicans today, urging them to remove from the omnibus budget bill that rollback of part of the Dodd-Frank financial reform law that we covered earlier today. If you really oppose government bailouts, she said, then why on earth would you vote for this measure that would allow FDIC insurance to bail out banks that lose money on derivatives trades … [Read more...]

Bill Nye Weeps For Your Stupid Homeschooled Children

We sure like us some Bill Nye. Following up on his February “debate” at the Creation museum, in which he handily took apart the bad science behind that institution, Nye has a book out, Undeniable: Evolution and the Science of Creation. Which is why he braved the dungeon of derp that is Newsmax TV to explain why creationism is simply not good for kids. What it mostly comes down to, of … [Read more...]

Scummy West Virginia-Poisoning CEO Charged With Fraud, Aggravated Dickishness

Remember that li’l ol’ chemical storage plant that leaked a metric shit ton of toxic coal-washing chemicals into West Virginia’s Elk River back in January? And how the CEO of the company responsible for the spill went on teevee and swigged nice clean bottled water while refusing to answer reporters’ questions, because he had had a long difficult day and was very tired, so … [Read more...]

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Slog Through The Slushpile

Welcome to a Gummint Shutdown Edition of the Derp Roundup, your weekly accumulation of asinine asshattery from the aether that was too stoopid to ignore completely but that we weren’t inclined to waste a full-length post on. To start off, let’s do a little bit of mythbusting! We caught Tucker Carlson’s Home for Lying Liars in a bit of a lie! On Wednesday, the Daily Caller … [Read more...]

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Liberal Veterans Are Fictional Edition

As we all know, the greatest scandal of the gummint shutdown is Barack Obama’s 9/11/Pearl Harbor sneak attack on America’s World War II vets, whereby he personally endorsed Hitler by closing the WWII Memorial on the National Mall (although the memorial is now open to vets only). Not surprisingly, we got a few comments from new visitors about our story, and they were None Too Pleased. … [Read more...]

Fox News Says There’s No Government Shutdown; Federal Government & WIC Recipients Just Dieting

Hey, you takers! Fox news has some doubleplusgood Newspeak for you, fresh from the Frank Luntz playbook: There is no “government shutdown” going on. Instead, the homepage refers only to the “slimdown” of the federal government. Slimdowns: so sexy! So hot right now! So “right-sized” you could fit something, say a government or a cancer baby, in a … [Read more...]

Drudge Sirens! Twitchy Discovers That Executive Branch Runs Parks, So Shutdown All Obama’s Fault

The good folks at Michelle Malkin’s Home for Aggrieved Aggregators have made a shocking discovery! House Republicans did not shut down the park service, and in particular did not shut down the World War II Memorial on the National Mall. Turns out the orders to shut out WWII vets came directly from Barack Obama himself! And they have statements from a Park Service spokeslady, even: Stephen … [Read more...]

Tom Clancy Killed By Death At 66

Tom Clancy, the author of thrillers like The Hunt for Red October and Patriot Games, has died in a Baltimore hospital at the age of 66. The Hunt for Red October happened along at a perfect time for a technologically driven thriller about a rogue Soviet submarine captain; President Ronald Reagan called it “the perfect yarn” and “non-put-downable.” Clancy returned the favor, … [Read more...]

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Stop Being Ugly And Vile

Golly, it’s been a busy week for the ol’ comments queue! Our first offering to the goddess Deletia is from the subject of one of our recent posts, Lee Stranahan of Ghost Breitbart’s Home for Endless Rightwing Butthurt. Sad Lee haz a sad because we did not recognize that his post about Matthew Shepard’s murder was a brilliant analysis of the left’s perfidy: I know you … [Read more...]

Appeals Court Says Catholic-Owned Business Still Has To Pay For Slut Pill Insurance

A federal appeals court upheld the Affordable Care Act’s requirement that insurance plans cover contraception, even when employers are personally offended by the idea that their slutty employees might be having sex in ways that the employers’ imaginary friends don’t approve of. A Catholic family that owns a controlling interest in two private companies had claimed that the … [Read more...]

We Are In Dirty Hippie Love With This Oregon Health Exchange Ad

Butthurt Alert/Drudge Sirens! A number of rightwing sites are outraged, Outraged! at this “acid trip Obamacare ad” that “costs taxpayers $3.2 million” — a figure that appears to include not only the production costs, but also the cost of buying ad time and other PSA’s, not that the angerbears at Americans for Tax Reform bother with that distinction. We … [Read more...]

Wonkette Completely Destroyed By Cenk Uygur’s Blistering Logic Bombs

Well, golly, we sure did attack that Cenk Uygur something fierce! The “attack” consisted of mentioning that a recording of Eleanor Holmes Norton leaving a message asking for a campaign contribution was from 2010, and in suggesting that it didn’t sound like “extortion” to us. (We also made fun of the video’s “taco robot death march” closed … [Read more...]

Liveblogging Barack Obama Pretending Martin Luther King Jr. Was A Liberal

[Update, 4:30 p.m.: Now that the live stream is over, we've added in the last few speakers from the hours-long event: John Lewis, Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton, Martin Luther King III, Christine King Farris, Bernice King, and President Barack Obama.] We are just going to jump in and start liveblogging the anniversary of the 1963 March On Washington for Jobs and Freedom; we wonder if it will be … [Read more...]

Nice Time: Good Guy With A Calm Voice Stops A Bad Guy With A Gun

Here’s an actual hero: Antoinette Tuff, a clerk at Ronald E. McNair Discovery Learning Academy in Decatur, Georgia, who talked Michael Brandon Hill into laying down his semiautomatic rifle and abandoning his plan to commit suicide by cop yesterday. Hill had come to the school expecting to shoot up the school and then to die in a shootout with police; instead, Tuff talked to him for an hour … [Read more...]

Forget ‘White Hispanic’; Daily Caller, Fox, Find White Teen Who Is ‘Black’

So, you may have heard about the awful murder of an Australian baseball player by three teens in Duncan, Oklahoma. The killers more or less admitted to killing Chris Lane for the fun of it as he was out for a jog. It’s sick and disgusting. But what’s really outrageous, according to Fox & Friends, Fox Nation, WND, the Daily Caller, and former congresscritter Allen West, is the … [Read more...]

Michigan Congresscritter Bravely Didn’t Vomit Near Obama, Will Impeach Him Just As Soon As He Figures Out How

Here is a video of Michigan Rep. Kerry Bentivolio at a town hall on Monday, explaining that it would be a “dream come true” to impeach President Obama, if only he could scrape up some kind of evidence of a crime. The clip has gotten a fair bit of attention because of Bentivolio’s claim that he’s already met with lawyers to find out how to impeach the President, but we were … [Read more...]