Portland Area GOP To Hire Militias For Security, What Could Go Wrong

A well regulated clusterfuck being necessary to a good militia story… There’s just one thing the Republican Party in Multnomah County, Oregon, loves more than being the Party of Reagan and Liberty, and that’s being the Party of Perpetual Victimhood, because in the overwhelmingly Democratic environs of Portland, they really are outnumbered. So it stands to reason that one way … [Read more...]

Hannity Going On Vacation To Farm Where He Can Run And Chase Chickens All Day Long

Sean! Stop pinching the Fox logo! Ouch! After his recent adventures in trying to revive a fact-free conspiracy claim that a murdered DNC staffer was the real source of hacked documents given to Wikileaks, thereby making the Trump-Russia scandal vanish in a puff of illogic, Sean Hannity will be taking a couple of days off to cool his heels. But don’t worry, Fox News viewers — this is … [Read more...]

CBO Confirms Trumpcare Is Still This Dumpster Fire

Our official statement on the #CBOScore for #AHCA: — NARAL (@NARAL) May 24, 2017 The Congressional Budget Office finally came out with its scoring of TrumpCare 2.O: The Wreckening, and determined that it will leave almost as many Americans without health insurance as the first version did (23 million by 2026 vs. 24 million under TrumpCare 1). And it gets worse: In … [Read more...]

Roger Ailes In Hell Now, Complaining The Broads There Have Ugly Legs

Thanks for all your contributions to our culture Rightwing political operative and Fox News founder Roger Ailes died today at the age of 77, according to a statement from Fox News which included no details on where or how. Ailes rose to prominence as the guy who made Richard Nixon almost palatable for television, then as a conservative media hatchet man/consultant, and finally as the founder and … [Read more...]

And Lo, Unto Us A Special Prosecutor Has Been Given

We’re just getting our graphics ready in advance For once, last night America got some early-evening BREAKING NEWS that didn’t leave us reaching for the hard stuff (booze, porn, or legal encyclopedia). Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein announced the appointment of former FBI Director Robert Mueller to be the special counsel to run the Justice Department’s investigation of … [Read more...]

Overworked Donald Trump Plans Nice, Relaxing Campaign Rally In Florida This Weekend

Might need some tanks and missile launchers for the parade, too You might think maybe Donald Trump is possibly a bit overwhelmed by the sudden realization that he’s in a job that he’s utterly unprepared for, but Donald Trump doesn’t do Overwhelmed, even when he clearly is. He does Denial. So of course he’s having a great big campaign-style rally in Florida this Saturday so … [Read more...]

FBI Archives Releasing Files On Trumps Not Renting To Blacks. Some Timing, Huh?

Just don’t let some black guy make fun of you at a dinner. That happens, you go nuclear, OK? The ways of the FBI FOIA archive are mysterious indeed — the site regularly posts to the interwebs old documents that have been requested in Freedom of Information Act cases, but as you may recall from the kerfuffle over the Bureau’s release of documents calling Fred Trump a … [Read more...]

Refugees Risk Lives To Reach Canada From USA. How The Hell Did We Become A Place People Flee?

We know, Wonkers. You never watch the videos because they’re often too awful. Please watch this story by CBC reporter Nick Purdon about a Somali refugee he found in the snow last weekend near Emerson, Manitoba. It matters. You’ll also see an interview with Ahmed from Ghana, who came to Canada after losing an asylum claim in the U.S., one of hundreds of refugees who have made the … [Read more...]

Jesus Idiot Knows Hillary Murdered Mike Flynn, Because He Knew About The Pizza Sex

Inside Rick Wiles’s head (Artist’s conception) Dear Wonkers: We like to think we’re fairly imaginative writers here at Yr Wonkette. We come up with some pretty silly stuff about which to make our little news-related japes. But we must confess: There’s virtually no way we’d have dreamed of spinning out a scenario about the real reason Gen. Mike Flynn got shitcanned by … [Read more...]

Military Parades? We Did Nazi That Coming!

Maybe some bread and circuses, too. … [Read more...]

Donald Trump Loves Reading Books. Here’s A Book. He Loves Reading It.

Books: What have they ever done for us? … [Read more...]

Rick Santorum To Bring Word Of God And/Or Rick Santorum To Heathen CNN

All out of frothy jokes. … [Read more...]

Get Well Soon, Poppy and Bar Bush

Look this good when 92 you are, you will not. … [Read more...]

2016 Was Third Straight Hottest Year Ever, But It’s Probably Snowing Somewhere, So No Big

Damn, those Chinese sure have been busy faking climate data. … [Read more...]

Trump Jerk Roger Stone Was Poisoned To Death By The CIA, But He Got Better

Could it have been ... SATAN? … [Read more...]

HHS Nominee Tom Price Will Fit Great In Trump Cabinet, Because Of How He Is Grafty

Well sure he's getting rich from being in office. Why else would anyone take such a crappy job? … [Read more...]

Who’s Made Over 20,000 Donations To Planned Parenthood Since The Election? ‘Mike Pence,’ That’s Who!

Trolls for Social Justice! … [Read more...]

Harry Reid, Democrats Ask Donald Trump To Deport Steve Bannon Back To 1938

People seem not to like this Steve Bannon. Maybe it's the haircut. Or the fascism. … [Read more...]